Rainbow Magic!
by Mird
Summary: Crossover with the Rainbow Magic series by Daisy Meadows. In other words...Another crackfic. Chapter Three: Armstrong the Sparkle Fairy!
1. Edward the Fullmetal Fairy!

**...I'll explain.**

**Maddie and Susie, two of my friends, and I were sitting in the school library with nothing to read. So we each grabbed a Rainbow Magic book.**

**They each take five minutes to read and double that time to stop laughing about.**

**Basically, the entire series are about the best friends Rachel Walker and Kirsty Tate. They have to help King Oberon and Queen Titania help find whatever magical item the fairies have had stolen from them by Jack Frost and his goblins.**

**I know it's a children's book, so I have no reason to be making fun of it like this, but...I can't help myself.**

**You might think this is crack, but if you read the books, you'll see that this is exactly the way they're written...Minus Ed's potty mouth.**

**Meet Edward the Fullmetal Fairy, Roy the Flame fairy, Alphonse the Armored fairy, Armstrong the Sparkle Fairy, Kimblee the Creeper Fairy, Hohenheim the Bastard Fairy and Scar the S.C.A.R fairy.**

**...**

**Is this legal?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist- let the tears fall. I also don't own Rainbow Magic- thank you for the small blessings.**

Chapter One

Edward the Fullmetal Fairy!

"Wow!" said Kirsty Tate to her best friend Rachel Walker. "That fairy's really short!"

"I'M NOT SHORT DAMMIT!" the fairy yelled, his face going red. "GO ROT IN HELL, YOU STUPID-"

Rachel squished him slightly under one finger, much to his annoyance. "That's not a very nice thing to say!"

"Rachel, look!" Kirsty said suddenly. "Something's sparkling! I think it's FAIRY MAGIC!"

"Wow, you're right!" Rachel exclaimed. "Hooray! Another magical adventure!"

They ran over to the sparkly patch of grass, with Edward flying along behind them. (He honestly had nothing better to do.)

In the grass they saw a tiny silver pocket watch.

"Hey!" Ed shouted. "That's mine! Hooray, I found it!"

"Not so fast!" a mean voice cackled. "That pocket watch is ours! Jack Frost wants it so that he can have the magical angry powers inside!"

Gluttony and Envy jumped out from behind a bush. Envy was wearing a miniskirt that was slightly longer than the one he usually wore, much to Roy Mustang's dismay (he liked miniskirts on women, but he liked them even more on men!).

Envy grabbed the pocket watch from Ed's miniature hands and ran away, cackling.

"OH NO!" said Kirsty in an overly-epic voice. "WE HAVE TO SAVE THE POCKET WATCH!"

"Wait. I'm supposed to take you to Fairyland. Turn into beautifully magical pink fairies like me. But my wings are prettier. Always remember that. They SPARKLE, for god's sake!"

Kirsty and Rachel didn't listen. They thought their wings were prettier, but they didn't say so, because this is a book series meant to teach small children that manners are good and that it's okay to send the losers home to cry in their pillows each night.

They flew to fairy land where King Oberon (The Fuhrer) and Queen Titania (his wife) were slacking off and playing ping pong.

"Oh. Hey," said King Oberon. "Uh...Oh yeah! We were supposed to explain what you have to look for this times, slaves- I mean, Kirsty and Rachel!"

Kirsty and Rachel didn't notice his mess up because Kirsty and Rachel are idiots.

"Meet Edward the Fullmetal Fairy, Roy the Flame fairy, Alphonse the Armored fairy, Armstrong the Sparkle Fairy, Kimblee the Creeper Fairy, Hohenheim the Bastard Fairy and Scar the S.C.A.R fairy."

"What does S.C.A.R. stand for?" Rachel asked politely.

"Super Crazy Alchemist Rapist," Scar the S.C.A.R. fairy replied.

"Oh," said Rachel.

"What's a rapist?" Kirsty whispered. Rachel shrugged.

"Anyways," continued King Oberon, aka the Fuhrer. "You need to find the prized possession of each of the fairies. Ed's pocket watch, Roy's gloves, Al's kitty, Armstrong's sparkles, Kimblee's apocalypse-creating time bomb-" At this, Kimblee laughed evilly. "-Hohenheim's beard, and Scar's...Uh...Scar."

"OKAY!" Rachel and Kirsty said. "LET'S START NOW!"

* * *

Back on Earth...

* * *

"OH NO!" shouted Rachel over-epically, as per usual. "I SEE GOBLINS!"

"Do they have my watch?" Ed asked eagerly. They did. How convenient. "Okay; I'll go beat the shit out of them and steal my watch back, then-"

"No!" said Kirsty. "We have to get your watch back with logical whatsits!" Rachel and Kirsty started whispering while Ed watched, wondering why the hell Mird was making him do this.

"I've got it!" exclaimed Rachel. The two girls giggled and stretched a rope between two trees. The goblins (Envy and Gluttony) tripped over it.

"OH HELL NO!" Envy whined. "I broke my nose! Owwie! I- Okay, who the hell is writing this shit?!" He transformed back into his normal, palm tree-ish self.

"Me!" said a squealy, annoying voice. "I'm Daisy Meadows, and that's totally NOT a pseudonym! I write the Rainbow Magic series because I think rainbows and sparkles and fairies are-"

Riza shot her.

Ed took back his pocket watch, then turned to the readers. "Mird promised that she won't embarrass us TOO much in the next chapter...So this might still be worth reading, hmm? And, if you don't review, Scar the S.C.A.R. fairy will rape you, whether you're an alchemist or not."

-End Chapter One-


	2. Roy the Flame Fairy!

**Sorry Roy fans...I don't like him much. Why, you ask? Because his character is **_**so fucking hard to write**__**for**_**. So, I portrayed him as a pyromaniac-glove-obsessed-zombie. You're welcome!**

**And, I know I said that Mird was writing this chapter, but Daisy Meadows broke out of prison (she had been arrested for the crime of stupidity) and has now taken over once more. She's wanted, dead or alive. The bounty is $5892. If you have any information on her whereabouts, please contact theretard5892 via review. Thanks and have a nice day!**

Chapter Two

Roy the Flame Fairy!

"Wow!" said Kirsty Tate. "Playing with fire is really fun!"

"Yeah!" agreed Kirsty's best friend, Rachel Walker. "Let's try to burn down the neighbor's house!"

Kirsty and Rachel were sitting in Rachel's backyard, playing with fire.

Because playing with fire is totally safe.

Yeah.

Suddenly, Roy the flame fairy appeared out of nowhere. He was drawn to the fire by the pyromaniac soul that lived inside of him.

"Fiiiirrrreeee..." he said, sounding like a zombie. Zombies are hawt. "Must...Have...The...Fiiiiirrrreee..."

"Oh, hi Roy!" Rachel grinned and waved.

"Are you ready to help us find your super-special-awesome-magic-gloves?" Kirsty asked. Roy's face brightened.

"Yes! I need my gloves back so I can burn down a building BECAUSE THAT'S REALLY FUN TO DO!"

Rachel and Kirsty squealed. "That sounds fun! Can we help?!"

Roy grinned. "Sure. Now, where could my gloves be?"

"Where there's smoke, there's fire," Rachel said, sounding smart for the first (and last) time in her life.

They looked in the sky and saw cloud of billowing smoke nearby.

"Come on!" said Kirsty. "Let's follow the smoke!"

* * *

The walked around the entire town and ran into goblins on the other said. Daisy Meadows is such an awesome name that it excuses her from writing any description at all, so you can just imagine the walk yourself.

...No, Daisy Meadows is _not_ lazy.

No way.

"Tell us where the gloves are!" cackled Envy.

"Make your miniskirt shorter and I will!" Roy bargained, pointing at epically at Envy. With his middle finger.

Envy cut his miniskirt shorter. "There! Happy?"

Roy swooned. "Beautiful..." he said, grinning stupidly.

"Enough small talk," Lust said. No one could see her face because her breasts were too big. "Where're the gloves?"

"They're in the grocery store," said Roy, gesturing at the small store a few yards away. "Bye!"

Lust and Envy ran into the store as Roy, Kirsty and Rachel continued to follow the smoke.

"Why'd you lie?" asked Rachel. Roy smirked.

"Because I'm a meanie poophead! HAHAHA!"

They followed the smoke back to Rachel's backyard, where the fire was still burning strong.

"So _that's_ where the smoke was coming from!" Kirsty said, sounding surprised.

"We just went a huge circle," said Roy. "...Cool!"

"Look!" said Rachel, pointing into the fire. "There's your gloves!"

"Wow! You're right!" Roy squealed like a little girl and dove into the fire to retrieve his gloves.

He came out with his body covered with third degree burns and died immediately.

-End Chapter Two-


	3. Armstrong the Sparkle Fairy!

**To anyone who didn't notice: how 2 rite gud fanfikshun was deleted by FFnet, and I got banned from posting for a few days. But now I'm back! Didja miss me? I'm sure you did.**

Chapter Three

Armstrong the Sparkle fairy!

"I love Sparkly Magic Rainbow Pretty Sugar Princess Ponies!" said Kirsty Tate to her best friend, Rachel Walker.

"I know! It's the best movie ever!" Rachel replied. They giggled and continued to abuse the exclamation points.

Suddenly, Kirsty's eyes widened and she gasped. "Oh no..." she said in a ridiculously quiet and epic voice. "I just noticed...The sparkles in the movie...They...They're..."

"What is it, Kirsty?" Rachel asked fearfully.

Kirsty whispered the last word so quietly that Rachel could just barely hear it. "...Gone." Rachel gasped and burst into tears.

"Oh no! Kirsty, we need to find the sparkles!"

Armstrong flew through the window. "Greetings, earthlings! I have flown here from a galaxy far, far away! I have traveled through plot holes and dry humor to reach your humble abode! Don't I deserve a proper welcome?"

"Hi," said Kirsty. "Help us find the damn sparkles, slave. And run me a bubble bath while you're at it."

"Kirsty!" Rachel said indignantly. "You should be ashamed of yourself for saying such things! Bubble baths are no good without sparkles! Come, Sparkle fairy! We shalteth findeth your sparkleseth- and I don't even care how many flames I get for the misuse of ye olde grammar."

"Flames?" Kirsty questioned. "We helped Roy the flame fairy in the last chapter..."

"Actually, he legally changed his name to the Bastard Fairy," Rachel said smartly. "It was Ed's idea."

Meanwhile, Armstrong sat in the emo corner and used the angsting powers that had been passed down the Armstrong family from generation to generation.

"Where should we look to find the sparkles?" Kirsty asked.

Armstrong jumped up eagerly. "Do you need the help of the ultimate tracking skills that have passed down the Armstrong family from generation to generation?"

"Just tell us where to find the damn sparkles, you dumbass piece of shit," said Kirsty. Rachel gasped and dialed the 4kids hotline- after all, small children will be reading this. It was immediately censored, resulting in...

"Please help us find the sparkles, oh-so-perfect Armstrong, sir," Kirsty said with girlish sparkles in her eyes.

"There they are! The sparkles are in the eyes of over-dramatic cutesy-wootsy chibi characters!" Rachel yelled. She grabbed the sparkles (blinding Kirsty in the process) and threw them at Armstrong. Armstrong died.

Then Rachel and Kirsty watched Sparkly Magic Rainbow Pretty Sugar Princess Ponies all the way through, marveling at the extreme sparkliness. Actually, Kirsty wasn't really watching because she is blind.

Then Mird got some sleep and prayed that this would still make sense to her in the morning.

-End Chapter Three-


End file.
